Every 'Hello' ends with a 'Goodbye'

     Listening to “All of me” by John Legend brings back so many memories…memories that were beautiful at the right time…memories that were painful after the breakup…memories that bring back feelings long forgotten. Why are you back on my mind once again? Why didn’t I stop loving you completely? Why do I still love you a little bit?

     There, I’ve said it. I admit it. I plead guilty in front of the jury. I still love you. Not as much as before, not as much as to want you back, but enough to make me cry when I think of you. You left me…all alone…in a cold world…with a cold heart…You promised…you promised we will not lose each other…that we would still talk…that we will be friends…

     But how long had it been since we last talked? A month? Two? Oh wait, now I remember. Sorry, it’s been so long that I have forgotten the time that passed is around two years. Why do you still come in my mind when I pass places we’ve been together? Why does my heart still skips a beat when someone mentions you? Why do people still make me remember of you? Why did I find these days the CD that holds pictures of you, of me, of us? Why did I find on it old conversations that we had? Why is it so hard to read them? Especially that one…when you told me a girl is expecting your child…when you were so afraid you will lose me…and in the end you left me.

     I guess I want it back…I want those feeling back…and don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to love you again…I want to fall in love with someone else…but I am afraid…so afraid.I’m afraid I might offer my heart once again…all my heart…and that I will be going through the same shit again. I am afraid to love…to be loved…to be 100% happy.

     Don’t take me wrong, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the pleasant memories, for all the time we spent together, for all the emotions you’ve put me through…but at the same time I hate you, for selling me fake dreams, for making me love you, for being what I want, for being so perfect in my eyes.

     I’m sorry for writing to you out of the blue, for pouring my heart out like so…but I want to say to you all the things I couldn’t say a long time ago…that I didn’t say. I want to feel relieved…to let it all out…so I can finally breathe easy. I’m not expecting a reply from you, because I know I will not have it. I’m sorry for daring to write to you on your e-mail but I know you won’t see it on Facebook…or if you do you will probably ignore it…maybe you should ignore all that I’m writing. I’m sorry, but this is what I always wanted to say in order to move on 100%, to tell you all the above….I’m sorry, but let’s pretend we never met, we never had whatever was between us…live your life happy…this is my goodbye to you…to what we had.