Did you ever...

....put some clothes in a bag, a book, a map, your wallet, your phone? Did you ever took that bag and throw it over your shoulder and went for your car? Did you start the engine, blast the music out of your speakers and you start to drive? Where did you went? Where do you want to go? Where does the map say you should go? To a distant place? Did you type a short message to your mom saying "I'm gone for a week, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I love you"? Did you start singing to whatever song was playing on the radio and smile, smile like a dumbass? Why? Because you just left everything behind, your place, your family, your friends, your work, your love, so you could just take one week off. And in this week you want to go to a place, a beautiful place, where no one knows you, just to breath fresh air because you felt suffocated, suffocated by everything. And you've reached your destination, you get out of the car, and you start to run towards the highest hill. And when youo reach its peak, you smile, and you breathe in and you breathe out, and you just start to cry. And you cry and cry and cry because you feel relieved. And you spend most of the days visiting around, looking for beautiful places where you can read your favorite book. And you read it again and again and again and you wait. And then you go to your hill, as you call it now, again, and then you see someone climbing it, and that someone is screaming your name. He's here, your love is here, because he knew where to found you, and you knew he went full madman mode because he looked for you all this time. You just left a note on his bed, a sweet note, saying "I love you, but I need some time away from you. I have insecurities and I do not know if you love me anymore. If you want to prove me wrong, then look for me and find me". And you think when you see him getting close, "Oh, what have I done to you? You look so tired, you have a beard now, and those dark circles...I hate them". And you hug him, you hug him tight, and you kiss him, you kiss him hard until you are out of breath, and you say "I love you, you motherfucker. Don't you ever make me think again that you don't love me anymore". And he smiles back at you and says "I love you too baby girl. And I'm sorry for doing that to you, but please don't make me go through this crazy ass situation ever again. I nearly died when I saw that note and I couldn't found you at my place...our place. And I turned crazy searching for you, and I finally realized you are here, so...baby girl...would you come back home with me? Yes, home, because you will soon be my wife love." And then you start to kiss him again.

Did you ever dreamed of that? Or even think about it? Because I did...but I just need to find "my motherfucker" first :D

We are all fifty shades of fucked up

Before starting this review, you, my dearest reader, need to know this post will contain spoilers. So, if you haven't read the books, please refrain yourself from reading more than these few lines. I'm sorry, but the books are more entertaining if you don't know anything about the books, or if you know it will be full of sex.

Ok, so first thing first, I read these books because everywhere on the internet there were talks about the "Fifty shades of Grey" book, and me being me, a curious person, I got the lovely desire of reading the books. Second thing, I'm not into BDSM, and I do not judge persons that are into it. It is really hard for me to understand why would you hurt your sex partner/loved one for pleasure, to intensify pleasure or anything in that idea, but that dosen't mean I hate people who do so.

So, let's move on with this review. The books are absolutely gorgeous, because there is more than meets the eye. For example, in the beginning, I thought that there is only one book, and that it was all about sex and how someone outside the BDSM range or who didn't experienced BDSM before will turn into a submissive and that's all. Ok, I thought there will be a little romance too since I am a hopeless romantic.

But, BUT, I was so freaking wrong. Besides the sex scenes, which are present in every damn relationship that exists in this world, and more romance that I thought it will be present in this book, I found the evolution of  a person. No, scratch that, of two persons: Christian and Anastasia.

This book, basically teaches us to see more beneath the surface, to "not define our world in black and white, because there is so much hiding amongst the greys". This book makes us understand that everyone of us has a dark place in our heart, a secret, a box inside of us that awaits for the right time and the right key to open it, that we have the wrong impressions about us, that we can change, that even if we have the darkest past ever, there is someone who will illuminate our world, turn it upside down, that can love us however we are.

We have Christian Grey, a young successful business man, with a dark past, who only knows how to find pleasure in sex, how to dominate, how to be a "control freak", a person with no future in relationships. And here he is, in love with a woman, a woman that at first agrees to become his submissive, even though she has no experience in that field, a woman that changes him, that makes him understand he is not the brute he thinks he is, that loves him back even if he is "fifty shades of fucked up". We have Anastasia Steele, a young woman who just finished college, who has zero experience with boys, not to mention sex, that finds love next to a total different person, that finds out her "inner goddess", that changes the man she loves, that defies him whenever she can. Just them, these two individuals, without the Grey's, Jack Hyde, Kate or any other characters, make this story really interesting.

All in all, appearances can be deceiving, and we all need to put our demons away, or to find that one person that can help us conquer them. Whatever your demon is, you are  not a lost cause, and you can manage to evolve, to know how to move on, to find love and to love back.

Every 'Hello' ends with a 'Goodbye'

     Listening to “All of me” by John Legend brings back so many memories…memories that were beautiful at the right time…memories that were painful after the breakup…memories that bring back feelings long forgotten. Why are you back on my mind once again? Why didn’t I stop loving you completely? Why do I still love you a little bit?

     There, I’ve said it. I admit it. I plead guilty in front of the jury. I still love you. Not as much as before, not as much as to want you back, but enough to make me cry when I think of you. You left me…all alone…in a cold world…with a cold heart…You promised…you promised we will not lose each other…that we would still talk…that we will be friends…

     But how long had it been since we last talked? A month? Two? Oh wait, now I remember. Sorry, it’s been so long that I have forgotten the time that passed is around two years. Why do you still come in my mind when I pass places we’ve been together? Why does my heart still skips a beat when someone mentions you? Why do people still make me remember of you? Why did I find these days the CD that holds pictures of you, of me, of us? Why did I find on it old conversations that we had? Why is it so hard to read them? Especially that one…when you told me a girl is expecting your child…when you were so afraid you will lose me…and in the end you left me.

     I guess I want it back…I want those feeling back…and don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to love you again…I want to fall in love with someone else…but I am afraid…so afraid.I’m afraid I might offer my heart once again…all my heart…and that I will be going through the same shit again. I am afraid to love…to be loved…to be 100% happy.

     Don’t take me wrong, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the pleasant memories, for all the time we spent together, for all the emotions you’ve put me through…but at the same time I hate you, for selling me fake dreams, for making me love you, for being what I want, for being so perfect in my eyes.

     I’m sorry for writing to you out of the blue, for pouring my heart out like so…but I want to say to you all the things I couldn’t say a long time ago…that I didn’t say. I want to feel relieved…to let it all out…so I can finally breathe easy. I’m not expecting a reply from you, because I know I will not have it. I’m sorry for daring to write to you on your e-mail but I know you won’t see it on Facebook…or if you do you will probably ignore it…maybe you should ignore all that I’m writing. I’m sorry, but this is what I always wanted to say in order to move on 100%, to tell you all the above….I’m sorry, but let’s pretend we never met, we never had whatever was between us…live your life happy…this is my goodbye to you…to what we had.

Life...in black and white

    Life has always been such a great mystery to me. Things happened...things didn't...things will happen. I met people...I didn't meet all of the people I wanted to...I will meet more people. I felt different emotions...some were strong...some passed really fast that I can't even remember them...some had a great impact on my life.

     I wished for so many things to happened...I wished to become a great person...just like my dad...I did become great but I still have a long way until I'll be like dad. I wished to find true love...I did...but it wasn't that true...or maybe I found it with the wrong person...at least it was good...for that short amount of time. At least I'm such a fucked up person that I let go of that emotion right away.

     I wished to become the real me once again...but I'm afraid...of getting close to some of my old friends...if they are still my friends...I guess I ignored them to much...I guess I closed myself in a box and I shouldn't have done that. I wished for everything to be just a dream...for dad to be here with me and mom...for mom not to have health problems.

     I wished for a better world...for a world in which we could all live in piece...without the fear that someone might rob you on the street...or if that happened, I wished for people to react to that and help the person in need and not be ignorant.

But...I wonder how many of my wishes came true...how many didn't...how many will come true in the future...near or distant...I wonder....why life is painted in black and white...

     ...why everything has an opposite...

St. Patrick's Day in Bucharest

     Hello dear friends, wonderful people of this planet called Earth!

     I'm a little bit back in business, writing another post about something that I love. This time we will have a different subject: parades, and even better, St. Patrick's Day parade.

     As you may all know...or not...yesterday, 17.03.2013, St. Patrick was celebrated and it also marks Ireland's national day. Me being me, thought that this is a great opportunity to take lots and lots of photos and to hear great irish songs (deep inside me lays a small irish girl).

     I got really excited about the parade, and even if no one wanted to go with me I went there all alone. The parade was announced as to be big, with 10 or so floats, step dancers and even cimpoi, aka the Romanian bagpipe. 

     When I got at the intersection between Calea Victoriei and Regina Elisabeta, there were like no people around, and I thought that maybe not so many people were going to come. As I walked towards Piata George Enescu, the starting place of the parade, I started to spot people wearing green and my heart grew a little bigger than before and it started to beat fast again. 

     There were people! Lots of people! People from news said there was 1000 people at the parade and I think they were right. I don't know when time passed because I was amazed by what was going on around me that I lost track of time. I was running around from one side to another to get a taste of the music and the people around me, to take in the green and, of course, to take photos (I have around 167). 

     It was a really awesome experience, to actually take part of something that is so different and that is part of a culture you didn't came across before (I mean in real life).

     I'm going to stop with the writing and let the photos and videos speak for themselves.

 

My favorite song #7: Gowe - Letters

I feel so sorry for neglecting this blog, but I'm really tired after a day of work. I really enjoy work and it's fun, even if sometimes it can be hard and I'm facing new problems and I try to find and learn new solutions (yes, even if you are done with school, your whole freaking life is about learning), but it gets the best out of my energy.

Anyway, I'll talk about a new song: Gowe - Letter.

 Why I love this song? Because I find myself among the lyrics. I've been in love once, and I had my heart broken into a million pieces (don't get me wrong, I don't blame anyone for that), so that's why I understand some of the lyrics perfectly.

"Now I'm killing pride whenever we intertwine/ Even though its barely ever and I blocked you from my mind/ But its hard and I struggle on occasion" -> This is probably the hardest part to do in life: meeting with that person you once shared with dreams, emotions, places etc. and I really want to thank God for me not to be able to do so, since there is an entire ocean between us...not to mention miles of land. Sometimes, being far away from each other helps with the healing, but I'm afraid that if I will have the chance to meet him again will bring back those feelings I pushed so hard in the darkest corner of my heart.

How I found out about Gowe? There was another song from him, that I came across, called I wonder, and it had such a great meaning behind it that I knew he is putting all his soul in his songs. The story exactly:
"Ever since I discovered that I was adopted (at the age of 18), I've always wanted to write a song that captured my experience and gratitude toward my biological mother.
After performing this song for the first time at Kollaboration Seattle I was able to partner with key individuals to turn the song into a music video.
My hope is that this will one day reach my biological mother so that I could meet her. In a way, I feel like this is symbolically my 'message in a bottle' that I am casting into the ocean. Any help in sharing the video via Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/Myspace with your friends & family would be tremendously appreciated.
Thank you to everyone who was involved in the making of this video and for everyone who has helped me share this. God is good and I am truly blessed!
- Gowe "

Academy of Economic Studies aka ASE

     I know it's kind of late for the people that already are accepted to the university, but before applying for the Academy of Economic Studies in Bucharest, Romania, you should think twice. This is the result of 5 years of studying there (plus 4 more books and other projects I gave to the teachers): 

     If you don't have the heart to go through all of this, then you should choose something different. I have seen many people giving up because it was to hard for them or because it wasn't what they thought it will be like studying here. Just an example, in the first year we were divided into series from A to F, each series having 4 groups (a total of 24 groups), and each group had around 30 students in it. In the second year we were only 19 groups, so you can see the difference.

      I know it's one of the best universities  in Romania when it comes to economic studies and it will help you find a job faster than any other university from the same category (I found one as soon as I finished it and most of my colleagues finished it too), but like I said: you need a freaking strong heart and mind to be able to survive.