Did you ever...

....put some clothes in a bag, a book, a map, your wallet, your phone? Did you ever took that bag and throw it over your shoulder and went for your car? Did you start the engine, blast the music out of your speakers and you start to drive? Where did you went? Where do you want to go? Where does the map say you should go? To a distant place? Did you type a short message to your mom saying "I'm gone for a week, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I love you"? Did you start singing to whatever song was playing on the radio and smile, smile like a dumbass? Why? Because you just left everything behind, your place, your family, your friends, your work, your love, so you could just take one week off. And in this week you want to go to a place, a beautiful place, where no one knows you, just to breath fresh air because you felt suffocated, suffocated by everything. And you've reached your destination, you get out of the car, and you start to run towards the highest hill. And when youo reach its peak, you smile, and you breathe in and you breathe out, and you just start to cry. And you cry and cry and cry because you feel relieved. And you spend most of the days visiting around, looking for beautiful places where you can read your favorite book. And you read it again and again and again and you wait. And then you go to your hill, as you call it now, again, and then you see someone climbing it, and that someone is screaming your name. He's here, your love is here, because he knew where to found you, and you knew he went full madman mode because he looked for you all this time. You just left a note on his bed, a sweet note, saying "I love you, but I need some time away from you. I have insecurities and I do not know if you love me anymore. If you want to prove me wrong, then look for me and find me". And you think when you see him getting close, "Oh, what have I done to you? You look so tired, you have a beard now, and those dark circles...I hate them". And you hug him, you hug him tight, and you kiss him, you kiss him hard until you are out of breath, and you say "I love you, you motherfucker. Don't you ever make me think again that you don't love me anymore". And he smiles back at you and says "I love you too baby girl. And I'm sorry for doing that to you, but please don't make me go through this crazy ass situation ever again. I nearly died when I saw that note and I couldn't found you at my place...our place. And I turned crazy searching for you, and I finally realized you are here, so...baby girl...would you come back home with me? Yes, home, because you will soon be my wife love." And then you start to kiss him again.

Did you ever dreamed of that? Or even think about it? Because I did...but I just need to find "my motherfucker" first :D

We are all fifty shades of fucked up

Before starting this review, you, my dearest reader, need to know this post will contain spoilers. So, if you haven't read the books, please refrain yourself from reading more than these few lines. I'm sorry, but the books are more entertaining if you don't know anything about the books, or if you know it will be full of sex.

Ok, so first thing first, I read these books because everywhere on the internet there were talks about the "Fifty shades of Grey" book, and me being me, a curious person, I got the lovely desire of reading the books. Second thing, I'm not into BDSM, and I do not judge persons that are into it. It is really hard for me to understand why would you hurt your sex partner/loved one for pleasure, to intensify pleasure or anything in that idea, but that dosen't mean I hate people who do so.

So, let's move on with this review. The books are absolutely gorgeous, because there is more than meets the eye. For example, in the beginning, I thought that there is only one book, and that it was all about sex and how someone outside the BDSM range or who didn't experienced BDSM before will turn into a submissive and that's all. Ok, I thought there will be a little romance too since I am a hopeless romantic.

But, BUT, I was so freaking wrong. Besides the sex scenes, which are present in every damn relationship that exists in this world, and more romance that I thought it will be present in this book, I found the evolution of  a person. No, scratch that, of two persons: Christian and Anastasia.

This book, basically teaches us to see more beneath the surface, to "not define our world in black and white, because there is so much hiding amongst the greys". This book makes us understand that everyone of us has a dark place in our heart, a secret, a box inside of us that awaits for the right time and the right key to open it, that we have the wrong impressions about us, that we can change, that even if we have the darkest past ever, there is someone who will illuminate our world, turn it upside down, that can love us however we are.

We have Christian Grey, a young successful business man, with a dark past, who only knows how to find pleasure in sex, how to dominate, how to be a "control freak", a person with no future in relationships. And here he is, in love with a woman, a woman that at first agrees to become his submissive, even though she has no experience in that field, a woman that changes him, that makes him understand he is not the brute he thinks he is, that loves him back even if he is "fifty shades of fucked up". We have Anastasia Steele, a young woman who just finished college, who has zero experience with boys, not to mention sex, that finds love next to a total different person, that finds out her "inner goddess", that changes the man she loves, that defies him whenever she can. Just them, these two individuals, without the Grey's, Jack Hyde, Kate or any other characters, make this story really interesting.

All in all, appearances can be deceiving, and we all need to put our demons away, or to find that one person that can help us conquer them. Whatever your demon is, you are  not a lost cause, and you can manage to evolve, to know how to move on, to find love and to love back.

Every 'Hello' ends with a 'Goodbye'

     Listening to “All of me” by John Legend brings back so many memories…memories that were beautiful at the right time…memories that were painful after the breakup…memories that bring back feelings long forgotten. Why are you back on my mind once again? Why didn’t I stop loving you completely? Why do I still love you a little bit?

     There, I’ve said it. I admit it. I plead guilty in front of the jury. I still love you. Not as much as before, not as much as to want you back, but enough to make me cry when I think of you. You left me…all alone…in a cold world…with a cold heart…You promised…you promised we will not lose each other…that we would still talk…that we will be friends…

     But how long had it been since we last talked? A month? Two? Oh wait, now I remember. Sorry, it’s been so long that I have forgotten the time that passed is around two years. Why do you still come in my mind when I pass places we’ve been together? Why does my heart still skips a beat when someone mentions you? Why do people still make me remember of you? Why did I find these days the CD that holds pictures of you, of me, of us? Why did I find on it old conversations that we had? Why is it so hard to read them? Especially that one…when you told me a girl is expecting your child…when you were so afraid you will lose me…and in the end you left me.

     I guess I want it back…I want those feeling back…and don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to love you again…I want to fall in love with someone else…but I am afraid…so afraid.I’m afraid I might offer my heart once again…all my heart…and that I will be going through the same shit again. I am afraid to love…to be loved…to be 100% happy.

     Don’t take me wrong, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the pleasant memories, for all the time we spent together, for all the emotions you’ve put me through…but at the same time I hate you, for selling me fake dreams, for making me love you, for being what I want, for being so perfect in my eyes.

     I’m sorry for writing to you out of the blue, for pouring my heart out like so…but I want to say to you all the things I couldn’t say a long time ago…that I didn’t say. I want to feel relieved…to let it all out…so I can finally breathe easy. I’m not expecting a reply from you, because I know I will not have it. I’m sorry for daring to write to you on your e-mail but I know you won’t see it on Facebook…or if you do you will probably ignore it…maybe you should ignore all that I’m writing. I’m sorry, but this is what I always wanted to say in order to move on 100%, to tell you all the above….I’m sorry, but let’s pretend we never met, we never had whatever was between us…live your life happy…this is my goodbye to you…to what we had.